There is a lot of snow outside my door, and I miss sidewalks.
As many of you are aware, Friends is finally on Netflix. Haley and I have been watching it from the beginning because she missed out on it when it was on. It's interesting what has changed since 10 years ago, and how many classic sitcom plots could have been solved by the existence of smartphones - It sort of makes me pity television writers today. So much of our lives are online, or exist through technology and social networking, and none of that stuff is particularly visually interesting.
One concept that has remained however is the concept of using "humor as a defense mechanism", a personality "flaw" in Chandler that nevertheless seems to have made him every one's favorite character. I get that the writers of the show can get tired of his need to make a joke for every inane question another character poses, but the fact is that makes him the primary source of the shows verbal humor (as opposed to Ross's physical goofiness, Joey's charm, Monica's neuroticism, Pheobe's alternate reality, or Rachel's it-girl attractiveness.)
The show's need to point this out as a character flaw in Chandler has had me thinking lately, because Chandler doesn't rebuff the social advances of people around him, and he usually isn't cruel with his humor. In fact, his humor feels unforced, natural; it's something he struggles to not use when it isn't appropriate.
I relate to him. It isn't because I try to deflect emotions using a joke, or that I need to defuse the tension of a certain situation. Just like Women, Men grow up with a lot of emotion. Where the distinction lies is in the socially acceptable ways of venting those emotions. I think most of us truly hope that we are becoming a society where men are allowed to share their feelings publicly, but the experience of strong emotion is something that Men, particularly young men still feel compelled to keep hidden. Worse, I would argue that it is still more socially acceptable for men to pursue self-destructive behaviors to deal with their problems (i.e. drinking, drugs, fighting) than it is for them to simply emote without performing one of those self-destructive behaviors first (express feelings of love, jealousy, sadness, happiness).
Now, what I like about humor is that can often be a way of deflating strong emotions by detaching yourself from them. Sure, that is the nature of defense, but it's also pretty much the goal of meditation, which is considered a healthy way of dealing with internal problems. There are bonus points too: Not only does humor make you feel better inside, if you get good at it, it also makes people like you.
The major drawback of this approach to dealing with strong emotions is that it is difficult to get people to take what you are feeling seriously, especially if you don't use humor in a humanizing way. Cracking one two many jokes about suffering makes people believe that you don't really understand it, and the brother to that thought is that you must not feel it the same way they do. This can make you feel secluded, and unable to connect with the people around you. So there is a limit to how far a joke can take you before you have to show people that you have emotion. But, as I said, emotion is not something it is always socially appropriate for men to admit too. It's therefore pretty easy to get stuck in a loop.
The lesson in this is the recognition that emotions exist, and that humor is a very human way of dealing with that thorny animal problem. I don't really think people use humor as a defense mechanism, it's just that humor IS a defense mechanism. And, f it is a defense mechanism, I think it's one everybody uses all the time.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Sunday 1/25/2015
There's a blizzard coming to Boston on Wednesday, so it looks like I'm about to get buried under two to three feet of snow. Better stock up? I would just run to Hartford with my girlfriend, but I feel bad about leaving our roommate alone to deal with the snow, so it looks like we're all in this together. It would be more fun if we had a big back yard to play with, but there's nothing to do with snow here except watch it get dirty. Where the hell is it all going to go?
As always, I'm on the job hunt at a library today, and lucky me, I've already found two positions that would be great for other people I know! Am I just being too picky? I haven't been called back about that Data Entry job PSG was trying to hook me up with. There was an awkward spot in my online video, but I was distracted by having to stare at my own face the whole time. But come on, really, an awkward moment doesn't mean I can't plug numbers from a sheet of paper into a computer. It's getting to the point where I need to start collecting unemployment, and I would much rather work. Almost a month in the new year, and thus far, we're not looking that much better than the last.
I don't have a lot of consoles, so my gaming limited to a slightly broken 3DS. I can get a few games from the library, but I can't afford any new ones. This means I do a lot of free gaming on my phone. This is fun if you can get your friends in on it, triviacracked and quizup are good for a ten minute run. Otherwise, FTP games are kind of a headache that look more like games than they offer actual game play. Clash of Clans and Game of War are two pretty good and heavily advertised examples. A cow clicker mixed with some mild strategy make the game seem like it could be fun, until you are frustrated by the clumsy mechanics and expertly designed pay walls of both. I have read that Game of War makes a million dollars a day. Seriously, people? If you're going to spend money on a game, try buying a game. Alternatively are the endless runners, most famously Temple Run, but there are plenty of varieties with identical mechanics. Here's a tip from an experienced free gamer: If you want it to be fun, you're probably going to have to pay for it.
As always, I'm on the job hunt at a library today, and lucky me, I've already found two positions that would be great for other people I know! Am I just being too picky? I haven't been called back about that Data Entry job PSG was trying to hook me up with. There was an awkward spot in my online video, but I was distracted by having to stare at my own face the whole time. But come on, really, an awkward moment doesn't mean I can't plug numbers from a sheet of paper into a computer. It's getting to the point where I need to start collecting unemployment, and I would much rather work. Almost a month in the new year, and thus far, we're not looking that much better than the last.
I don't have a lot of consoles, so my gaming limited to a slightly broken 3DS. I can get a few games from the library, but I can't afford any new ones. This means I do a lot of free gaming on my phone. This is fun if you can get your friends in on it, triviacracked and quizup are good for a ten minute run. Otherwise, FTP games are kind of a headache that look more like games than they offer actual game play. Clash of Clans and Game of War are two pretty good and heavily advertised examples. A cow clicker mixed with some mild strategy make the game seem like it could be fun, until you are frustrated by the clumsy mechanics and expertly designed pay walls of both. I have read that Game of War makes a million dollars a day. Seriously, people? If you're going to spend money on a game, try buying a game. Alternatively are the endless runners, most famously Temple Run, but there are plenty of varieties with identical mechanics. Here's a tip from an experienced free gamer: If you want it to be fun, you're probably going to have to pay for it.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Saturday, 1/24/15
I've been learning to play Saxaphone which is a bit like signing up to hate yourself for thirty minutes a day. There's lots of squeaking, a few actual notes, and once you feel you're getting the hang of things, the next page of notes reads like calculus. If you are good at calculus read: particle physics. It's good to keep trying to learn new things right? Especially if their creative. Unless you're just doing that to avoid the creative work you really should be doing, like starting a blog instead of working on your novel.
My girlfriend and I are writing a children's book together. The book was her idea but the story was mine. We visited the library to get a sense of how to go about putting one together, and all I really learned is that there are already too many children's books in this world - Especially considering kids mainly want to read the same books over and over again anyway. By the time they've grown out of that, they are moving on to tougher books anyway, right? My theory is that they really are more for the parent then the kid. I read to my nephew on occasion; I am tired of Thomas the Tank engine and his useless engineer.
My girlfriend and I are writing a children's book together. The book was her idea but the story was mine. We visited the library to get a sense of how to go about putting one together, and all I really learned is that there are already too many children's books in this world - Especially considering kids mainly want to read the same books over and over again anyway. By the time they've grown out of that, they are moving on to tougher books anyway, right? My theory is that they really are more for the parent then the kid. I read to my nephew on occasion; I am tired of Thomas the Tank engine and his useless engineer.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Friday 1/23/2015: Job Search, Music, Literature, Other thoughts
The most frustrating part of job searching is the necessity of taking on jobs that have nothing to do with the career that I want. I've done tons of work in food service, and a little retail work on top of that, and now that I'm unemployed again, I'm getting broke enough that I think I'm going to have to work in that field again.
Let's be clear: Working in food service sucks. Even working as a manager in food service sucks. It's extremely difficult, extremely low-paying, and everyone you work with is like you: Just doing it to get by until they can do something they actually want to do.
And the main problem with me taking another food service job is that it's sort of expected that I stick around after being trained. This is always explained to me very carefully in the interview, that I would be doing a terrible thing to leave after only working there a week. Now, I know that in the real world, turnover is high in foodservice (read above: the job sucks), and that it's not a terrible thing to still look for work even after being hired, but I still stupidly feel obligated to stick around for at least six months.
Now, all that is on me and my brain, but because I am that way, it feels sort of immoral to apply and interview for jobs that I know I don't really want. Built into that conversation is a lie, and I really don't like lying. At the same time, I'm really sick of putting my life on hold.
This week, I'm listening to My Brightest Diamond's "This is My Hand" and Mika's "The Origin of Love". While these are not similar artists, they are similar albums in that both have signaled a shift towards less vibrancy in their melodies, and a stronger focus on rhythm focus. Now, my inclinations against dance music and rhythm heavy tracks have initially led me to like these albums less than the artist's previous work, but it's worth noting that their identities as an avant-garde classically inspired songwriter and pop aficionado respectively still stand out very strongly.
I often read and comment on Reddit's writers sub, /r/writers, and I am consistently surprised to find myself arguing that some work has more literary merit than others. There is a strong belief among a lot of people, apparently, that all creative work is of equal quality and standing. While I admire the democratic appeal of such a statement, and while I do agree that the merit of any given peace of work is almost always debatable, it has always seemed clear that there is a distinct difference between genre fiction and literary fiction. While there are artistic merits to the former, and writers who transcend the former into the latter, (I think as many do that Stephen King is capable of this) more often than not they don't. If that's a position you find snobby, well maybe it is, but I can only say that it's a result of reading a lot of fiction that was very rich thematically, and reading a lot more that wasn't. Let me phrase this in more diplomatic terms: I think there's plenty that genre writers can teach me about writing a story well, but a great novel will open my eyes to a lot more than that.
I've been using the IF This Then That app, IFTTT, to fill me in on updates on daily senate votes in my email. This has resulted in a couple of outcomes, the first of which is that my Email inbox has been even more flooded than usual. The second is that a lot more sneaky voting happens in the senate than what I've been aware of. Everyone knows that the Senate is currently debating the Keystone Pipeline, but they've debated some interesting (if useless) amendments. Democrats have been trying to add an amendment to the bill that simply expresses the sentiment that the Senate is aware that Climate Change exists, an apparently contentious topic among our nations political leaders, if not our scientific ones. Why do I find this interesting? Well, mainly because it seems such a meager compromise to happen in the same week that another pipeline spilled 50,000 gallons of oil in to a national park. "Can we at least agree to say that the environment matters? Not to do anything about it, but just say it?" say the Democrats. "Nah", say the Republicans. That kind of stuff really says everything you need to know about the parties as they currently stand.
I don't know if I'm going to write a lot here, or what my main focus will be. I hope I do. All the same, David Simon's blog is much more worth a read.
Let's be clear: Working in food service sucks. Even working as a manager in food service sucks. It's extremely difficult, extremely low-paying, and everyone you work with is like you: Just doing it to get by until they can do something they actually want to do.
And the main problem with me taking another food service job is that it's sort of expected that I stick around after being trained. This is always explained to me very carefully in the interview, that I would be doing a terrible thing to leave after only working there a week. Now, I know that in the real world, turnover is high in foodservice (read above: the job sucks), and that it's not a terrible thing to still look for work even after being hired, but I still stupidly feel obligated to stick around for at least six months.
Now, all that is on me and my brain, but because I am that way, it feels sort of immoral to apply and interview for jobs that I know I don't really want. Built into that conversation is a lie, and I really don't like lying. At the same time, I'm really sick of putting my life on hold.
This week, I'm listening to My Brightest Diamond's "This is My Hand" and Mika's "The Origin of Love". While these are not similar artists, they are similar albums in that both have signaled a shift towards less vibrancy in their melodies, and a stronger focus on rhythm focus. Now, my inclinations against dance music and rhythm heavy tracks have initially led me to like these albums less than the artist's previous work, but it's worth noting that their identities as an avant-garde classically inspired songwriter and pop aficionado respectively still stand out very strongly.
I often read and comment on Reddit's writers sub, /r/writers, and I am consistently surprised to find myself arguing that some work has more literary merit than others. There is a strong belief among a lot of people, apparently, that all creative work is of equal quality and standing. While I admire the democratic appeal of such a statement, and while I do agree that the merit of any given peace of work is almost always debatable, it has always seemed clear that there is a distinct difference between genre fiction and literary fiction. While there are artistic merits to the former, and writers who transcend the former into the latter, (I think as many do that Stephen King is capable of this) more often than not they don't. If that's a position you find snobby, well maybe it is, but I can only say that it's a result of reading a lot of fiction that was very rich thematically, and reading a lot more that wasn't. Let me phrase this in more diplomatic terms: I think there's plenty that genre writers can teach me about writing a story well, but a great novel will open my eyes to a lot more than that.
I've been using the IF This Then That app, IFTTT, to fill me in on updates on daily senate votes in my email. This has resulted in a couple of outcomes, the first of which is that my Email inbox has been even more flooded than usual. The second is that a lot more sneaky voting happens in the senate than what I've been aware of. Everyone knows that the Senate is currently debating the Keystone Pipeline, but they've debated some interesting (if useless) amendments. Democrats have been trying to add an amendment to the bill that simply expresses the sentiment that the Senate is aware that Climate Change exists, an apparently contentious topic among our nations political leaders, if not our scientific ones. Why do I find this interesting? Well, mainly because it seems such a meager compromise to happen in the same week that another pipeline spilled 50,000 gallons of oil in to a national park. "Can we at least agree to say that the environment matters? Not to do anything about it, but just say it?" say the Democrats. "Nah", say the Republicans. That kind of stuff really says everything you need to know about the parties as they currently stand.
I don't know if I'm going to write a lot here, or what my main focus will be. I hope I do. All the same, David Simon's blog is much more worth a read.
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